Description paragraph: My younger brother. Peer response by Mario Costa

(That's actually me and my brother :D)

My description paragraph (modified after reading the peer response)

When I was eight years old I thought that I would never have a brother, but after some months he was born. My little brother. He was as tiny as a peanut, in fact, he was born prematurely. He was always smiling and dancing, and we both played and laughed a lot together, as we do now. He is fourteen years old and almost as tall as me, these new generation kids will all be basketball players with that height. His name is Moisés, and even though he sometimes gets angry when he loses to me playing FIFA at the computer (what can I do, I am so good at that game), he is a very optimistic and happy person I enjoy being with. I am very grateful for having a younger brother because of every good moment we had and will have, and because I know I will never be alone and will always have not only a brother but a friend to rely on.

Peer response by Mario Costa Gálvez for Alejandro Maximiliano Cano:

Dear Alejandro, I found your paragraph inspiriting and very interesting. Apart from that, it is written properly. It has its topic sentence very defined, and that is something that makes the paragraph more attractive to read. I can’t really find any mistakes, because you used the example giving and the description to define physically and mentally your brother, and your relationship with him. If I were you, I would try to connect the information to make longer phrases, as you do at the final part of your paragraph. That allows the reader to make a clearer image of the described person, what is not very important, but can make a difference. I would make the concluding sentence a bit longer, because you have the perfect space to write a final sentence that explains how your brother has changed you, for example: “and he has made my life more exciting and now I feel I have a supporting person near me” more or less.